Outlines and Ideas
about Selling and Negotiating
For at least forty years I have referred to negotiating as a game, where you
should care, really care.....but not t-h-a-t much. Based upon my personal
experience and observation of others, it struck me early in my career, that when
a negotiator had an overwhelming need to make a good deal he or she was
When you care too much and are over-invested emotionally, there is an increased
flow of adrenalin which causes you to become doped-up and dumbed-down. This
results in loss of perspective, impaired judgment and a focus on failure.
However, if you have a viable option or other alternatives you can maintain your
cool and confidence. And people always have confidence in confident people.
So always try to keep your composure and a detached view - - distancing yourself
from your natural impulses and emotions. This relaxed attitude (a balance
between irrational exuberance and utter despair) can provide a bulwark against
the onset of stress producing emotions (self-doubt, anxiety and hostility) - - a
psychological shield between the ego and the aggressiveness of others.
In short, your mantra should be, I CARE ---, REALLY CARE, BUT NOT T-H-A-T MUCH.
Concessions should always be yielded grudgingly. Conceding too easily
or too soon will raise the expectations of the other side and result in their
taking what you've done for granted.
Following are some additional principles:
PROCESS or "HOW" CONCESSIONS count.
Never bid against yourself.
You must be able to justify and explain your opening or
risk losing credibility.
Be aware of your pattern of
concession-making behavior. Move in diminishing steps, starting with
your largest concession, followed by a smaller one and then the smallest.
This signals that your best and final offer is being approached.
Don't give specific concessions against vague indications
or general insinuations.
When you offer a "WHAT CONCESSION" make
sure your counterpart realizes it's a sacrifice on your part.
Moreover, they must labor for it and are expected to reciprocate.
Try not respond to their concessions or questions.
Slow down and appear more thoughtful.
Don't rush your reply to their concessions or questions.
Slow down and appear more thoughtful.
The timing of your "last and final offer" determines its
credibility. E.G. THE PROXIMITY RULE.
Assume that the other side always has to go back for
final approval. Hence help them with the packaging so they not only
"save face" but appear to have done well.
Permanency exists only in the constant continuity of change,
yet we are not prepared for that which is totally new. It takes time to
adapt, and each one of these personal adjustments can bring on a crisis of
Reasons Why Change is Resisted!
- Habituation and conditioning cause reflexive rejection.
- The individual is committed to the current status quo.
- We are emotionally attached and comfortable with that which is familiar.
- There is a presumption that a valid rationale supports whatever
You don't teach people anything, but only help them find it within
Arguments and debate are ineffective in modifying a person's position.
Persuasion occurs most often via creative and novel reformulations which
alters a person's way of looking at things.
Changing an individual's attitude and perception about an event or situation
is the most likely way for them to move from intransigence to accommodation.
The Stronger and more direct the threat, the more rigid becomes the behavior
of the party that it is directed against. In fact, it will only increase
the target's perceptual distortion, defensiveness, resentment and resistance to
When someone takes information shared with them in confidence and reveals it
to others, there is a sense of betrayal. Such a treacherous disclosure
marks the informer as a person who cannot and should not be trusted in the